Hey guys. How the heavens are you? Not good? Why? Oh yeah, that's right you are living real life and man, I'll tell you what, real life can SUCK at times. Look, sit back, relax a little bit. Because this week's blog has one job: TO MAKE YOU LAUGH!!! If it doesn't then that's fine. Maybe that's because life right now REALLY has been bad so this will be archived for posterity. That or you just don't find me funny. If you don't find me funny, quit reading right now. Okay for those who do enjoy humor here are a few jokes to make you laugh.
Heard the math book went to psychiatric therapy the other day. Turns out it has a lot of problems.
The best way to have a family member get away form you in public, just scream "STRANGER DANGER!!!" That'll show Dad not to cock-block me in the grocery store.
I cannot go to a Denver Nuggets game. It's not that I don't like basketball, they just don't appreciate when I say every five minutes "Why aren't they punting?"
Apparently, calling a government official "Um, excuse me villainous dude" is frowned upon in public meetings.
I am undefeated, yes UNDEFEATED, in staring contests with birds.
I am win less, yes WIN LESS, in staring contests with walls.
I have never told a lie...oh wait I just did.
Okay enough funny ha-ha for now. I'll be back soon with more. Oh I do want to end with this. A little lesson for you guys and gals out there. Whenever someone drives 80 miles and 2 hours just to see you, give them a hug and kiss Or even a simple goodbye when they leave. Because you will never know when you will see them again. Yes, that happened to me last night and just sort of sucks.
HOLD THE PHONE!!! I can't leave you like. Need to leave you with a funny huh? Alright, one more. I have noticed 2 things have something in common that never knew did. For me it was sex and my savings account. Because once I make my withdrawal, I lose interest.
Take care of each other guys until next time. And thank you for coming for the sexy, and staying for the funny.
SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION TIME:
Follow me on Twitter: @richgustason
Like my fan page on Facebook: facebook.com/richardgactor
Enjoy more comedy at the "Stand Up Comedy Sets" tab ON THIS VERY SITE.
Heard the math book went to psychiatric therapy the other day. Turns out it has a lot of problems.
The best way to have a family member get away form you in public, just scream "STRANGER DANGER!!!" That'll show Dad not to cock-block me in the grocery store.
I cannot go to a Denver Nuggets game. It's not that I don't like basketball, they just don't appreciate when I say every five minutes "Why aren't they punting?"
Apparently, calling a government official "Um, excuse me villainous dude" is frowned upon in public meetings.
I am undefeated, yes UNDEFEATED, in staring contests with birds.
I am win less, yes WIN LESS, in staring contests with walls.
I have never told a lie...oh wait I just did.
Okay enough funny ha-ha for now. I'll be back soon with more. Oh I do want to end with this. A little lesson for you guys and gals out there. Whenever someone drives 80 miles and 2 hours just to see you, give them a hug and kiss Or even a simple goodbye when they leave. Because you will never know when you will see them again. Yes, that happened to me last night and just sort of sucks.
HOLD THE PHONE!!! I can't leave you like. Need to leave you with a funny huh? Alright, one more. I have noticed 2 things have something in common that never knew did. For me it was sex and my savings account. Because once I make my withdrawal, I lose interest.
Take care of each other guys until next time. And thank you for coming for the sexy, and staying for the funny.
SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION TIME:
Follow me on Twitter: @richgustason
Like my fan page on Facebook: facebook.com/richardgactor
Enjoy more comedy at the "Stand Up Comedy Sets" tab ON THIS VERY SITE.